Our Sweet Angel is 1 yr old

September 25th, 2012 a year ago today I had a perfect angel. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET ANGEL BOY Collin J VanBibber! Can you believe that our sweet angel is 1 yr old? CJ may not be here physically but we all know that he is here in our minds, in spirt and most of all, he is in our hearts, never to be forgotten. Robert and I may miss Collin deeply and have that empty place in our hearts, but if we keep our faith/trust in our Savior, with all the loving support and prayers we get from all of you we will see him and be with him again. Within the the past year we have been on a wild roller coaster, with its ups and downs. It has been one big trust in the Lord with this trial, but a really good experience. I don't know how to explain it well but the Lord knew we need our faith/trust tested for some reason. I am not sure what that is but I know God knew Robert and I could handle losing our son. Maybe it was to test those around us, and for us to be their examples. I don't know how we have done it so well. I do know that we have wonderful neighbors, friens, and family who have been there for us in every step of the way. I don't think Robert and I would have done so well and I don't know where we would be without all of you and our Savior. For the most part we are doing well, someways we aren't so well. You may know how it is when you lose someone you deeply love. Somedays I wish that time would speed up so I could be with Collin again. I know that we will be with him and will able to raise him again but sometimes, it seems like time just freezes and doesn't move. I know where CJ is that he is where he needs to be and is doing missionary work, I know he is helping prepare his brothers and sisters to come down to this weird, strange world. We had a wonderful birthday dinner with family & friends, than went to the cemetery to see CJ's headstone & there we let off some balloons & a sky lantern. It was a very amazing night, it was perfect, no wind, no rain. We let the lantern off & there was no wind so it was perfect, the lantern went up & up than came back down. Than when we let the balloons off they all went up in a circle than formed a spiral & the balloons were spinning, it was awesome to see. We would like to thank everyone that came & spent the lovely sweet night with us. My parents, my sisters, my brothers, nieces, & nephews, oh & our wonderful friends. That next Sunday we had a little party with Roberts family, so thank you Robert's parents, brothers, Mindy, & Savannah. We also like to thank everyone for their love, kindness, caring, & support that you still give us. We love & miss you everyday Collin. We are still very proud of you. WE LOVE & MISS YOU ALWAYS & FOREVER!!!

Memorial Day

Here are some pictures of Collin's grave from Memorial Day. Thanks to all those that visited and to those that left gifts. We took these pictures on Memorial Day morning and later others left flowers. Thank you for taking time to think of Collin.

We spent the morning and part of the afternoon with our son while getting nicely sunburned in the process. We heard bag pipers playing throughout the day, which was nice.

We are still waiting for the headstone to be designed but here is a sneak preview of what will be on it. Through a friend and family we got this design.

Nov. 7-8

     November 7th, 43 days old. Collin is doing well today although he is still dropping in heart rate a little. An echo was done on his heart and the pediatric cardiologist said Collin's heart looks fine. As a result, both heart medications were turned off, which is good news. He is also down to 2 antibiotics and sitting about 30% oxygen. The morphine drip has been off for 24 hours now and he only receives it when he needs it. The things we are working on right now are keeping the heart rate steady, tolerate feeds, poop and keep losing the edema. With the edema his weight jumps around the low 3 lb. area.
Collin's doctors and nurses are so nice. They keep us well informed and we really enjoy their company. They are good to us and especially to Collin. Today I am grateful for the Relief Society sisters in my ward. They are so good to me and my little family. They keep us well fed as well. I am grateful for my visiting teaching ladies and for the ladies I teach too. Mommy and Daddy love you so much sweat heart! We are so proud of you. Keep up the good work and keep on fighting. Like Uncle Grant has said before, "No offense to to the comic book Superman but he doesn't have superhuman strength like my nephew!!!" Keep fighting buddy, we love you so much!!!" Thanks Uncle Grant.

     November 8th, 44 days old. Collin is having another good day. They upped his feedings to 1 mL every 6 hours and so far, so good. He pooped a little this morning. The doctor is still worried about the fluid in his brain and his ventricles still being enlarged. He is still off his heart medications and his heart looks good. We think the heart rate dropping issue comes from needing suctioning from his lungs and pressure in the brain. But other than that we are having a good day. No matter what we will always love you Collin J always and forever. We are very grateful to have you here with us.
Today I am grateful for my family. They have always been there for me through good and tough times. They have always been very supportive to Robert and I and now Collin. We are a very close family and we always know what's going on with each other. I love my family very much. Thank you everyone for all the love, prayers, support and blessings.

6 weeks old

     November 6th, 6 weeks old. 28 weeks gestation. Collin has a little bradycardia which means his heart rate will drop low on occasion and come back up. An EKG was done this morning but didn't show anything wrong. Stats are good. Oxygen is at 30% which Collin seems to like being there. He is still really sick and his doctor today, Wyc Cheatam, told us he thinks Collin has a 50/50 chance of living at this point. Collin is telling us he still wants to fight so we keep cheering him on.They started feeding him milk again at 1/2 mL every 6 hours and we have our fingers crossed that he will tolerate them this time. I think if Collin tolerates his feedings he will start feeling a whole lot better. I pray everyday for him to live and be healed.
Collin is being a little more active, meaning he is beginning to move his limbs more. He is swollen from the fluids he is getting. He tries and on occasion is able to open his eyes. Today I am grateful for modern technology. Our son wouldn't be here with us today if it wasn't for it. In the last 6 weeks it has been a big part of our lives, it has helped out in so many ways. Thank you modern technology. We love you buddy, keep fighting!

A Day at the Beach

     November 5, 40 days. At least Collin feels like he has been at the beach today. Everyone survived transport and CT scan day yesterday. The scan showed that blood is flowing through the intestine so there isn't any major damage. Yay! Other than that it didn't reveal much that we didn't already know. Collin tolerated the transport just fine but when he came back the next few hours was difficult to keep his blood pressure and heart rate under control. He now knows the world is bigger than the 5th floor so he must have been upset to come back so quickly.
Today Collin has been relaxed and calm. Right now he is enjoying being on his belly. His heart rate ranges from 140's to the 160's bpm and his oxygen is at 35%. His weight today is 1570 grams (3 lbs. 7 oz.) which is 30 grams less than last night. He is still loosing fluid weight. The last positive blood culture was Oct. 26 so we hope this means that Collin is getting over his infection. He will still receive antibiotics for an additional 21 days to fully kill the bacteria. Collin continues to be active and has spent a lot of time with his eyes open.
Stacey has this to say, "I am grateful for the gospel. In the last 6 weeks I have grown closer to Heavenly Father and my sweet husband. I am very grateful that He has sent Collin to Robert and I. Collin is the joy of my life along with Robert. I know the church is true. I know we will be a family FOREVER & ALWAYS!!! Mommy and Daddy love you very much! We are proud of you!"

Big Day for Collin

                November 4, 39 days old. It’s about time Dad contributes to this blog. Today is a big day for Collin. So far the CT scan is still scheduled to happen today. There are significant risks with transporting him but it has high potential of providing answers Collin has been in need of. We have starters from Collin’s All Star team on staff today. Dr. Wyc Cheatam is the neonatologist along with Sue as the RN and Reggie the respiratory therapist. These three will remain with Collin the entire trip to radiology. Stacey and I have a mixture of feelings but overall we feel ready for some answers. A radiologist will read the results with a second opinion tomorrow from the pediatric radiologist. There is also the option of getting an opinion from Primary Children’s hospital. And so we wait and pray.

Halloween - Nov. 3

October 31st, 35 days old 5 weeks old. 28th weeks gestation. HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Its Collin's first Halloween. Yay! Collin is slowly getting better. He is showing signs of improvement which is good. He had a big poop yesterday. It was like a big plug, poor guy. That's is also a good sign. Collin still has a chest tube. They took it out yesterday morning but had to put it back in last night. He wasn't ready for it to come out just yet, silly. They switched his art line to his foot. They did a blood culture on the old art line, then replaced a new art line, and did another blood culture He did need a blood transfusion but its been a few days. He got his first bath & got lotion. He is 3 lbs. 1/2 oz. Last positive blood culture is from the 26th, which is good, so fingers crossed. Collin gained a little more weight tonight, dang. It went up to 3 lbs. 5 1/2 oz. Hopefully it goes back down.

November 1st, 36 days old. Its uncle Grant's Birthday today, Happy Birthday. Today is a good day, still fighting the infection but getting better. They put in a new pic line. His is a little high on oxygen but that's because there was so much mucus in his lungs. He seems better everyday we see him. His blood pressure is being funny, the art line reads one way, and the cuff reads another way... But other than that Collin has been good all day. They have not come back with anything dealing with the blood cultures, so hopefully they stay negative. Collin weighs 1450 grams 3lb 3oz. (1450 grams) yay losing water weight. I am grateful for all our family, friends and, neighbors for their love, prayers and, blessings through this tough time. Thank you everyone.

November 2nd 37 days old. Collin is still really sick but is stable and doing good. We got told by his doctor that she thinks Collin is stable enough to go downstairs and have a CT scan to see what's wrong with our little guy. We are very scared of what the outcome will be, but happy to know what is making our little prince so sick. Its a very emotional ride right now, one big roller coaster. We are very proud of our son Collin and know that everything will be ok. We know no matter what we will always be a family always and forever!!!! We love you Collin you very much! I am very greatful for all the doctors and nurses who is taking great care of my sweet, loving, little precious Collin. Thank you!

November 3rd 38 days old. Collin is still sick, but doing good and stable. Good news its been 5 days now for Collin's blood culture to be negative, yay. The doctor took an ultrasound of Collin's heart and of his head. The head ultrasound was sent to Primary Children's to have it looked over for swelling and if he needs a drain. Tomorrow Collin is going downstairs for a CT scan to see what's happing in his abdomen. Robert and I are very scared of what the test will tell us. Yesterday I was really scared about but when we talked to the doctor today I was a lot calmer. I still feel good about everything. We have not and will never give up hope or faith. Today I am very grateful for the most wonderful husband in the world. I am very grateful for Robert and his faith, hope, love and strength for Collin our love little prince. I am very grateful that Robert holds and honors the priesthood.