3 years ago /9/25/2014

September 25, 2014

Wow 3 years ago Robert & I became parents to a small, sweet, lovable, fighting premature little guy. It shouldn't be 3 yrs already, it seems like it was just yesterday that we had Collin. It was a scary day but & we sure do miss him everyday, every minute, every second but we would not change a thing. He is in a better place, helping those that need it most. People say no one has perfect children, well they haven't lost a child. We have a perfect child, that Heavenly Father needed more than Robert & I did. We would like to thank everyone who was/has been there for us, we could not have done anything without you, we wouldn't be where we are today without you. Thank you very much. Collin we can't wait to see, hold hug, kiss you & raise you. We Love & Miss You Superman, you will Always be in our Hearts CJ. Love you sweet little guy!!!

Collin's going to be a big brother.

Blog Collin is going to be a BIG BROTHER coming June 4th, 2013 Well, for those that don't know Robert & I are excepting another sweet baby boy in June, we are so very excited. I have been seeing a specialist OB & a regular OB just to make sure everything will turn out ok. We just want to make sure our little guy comes full term & stays healthy & so far everything is going well. When we found out that we were expecting again I was so excited but very nervous at the same time, I don't know how Robert feels, but I am sure he felt the same way. After our first visit to the doctors, I asked my sweet, loving husband for a blessing, to help me stay calm. I am so grateful for my husband Robert for being who he is & who his become. I am so grateful that he holds the priesthood & that I can turn to him whenever I need a blessing. I am grateful for Robert & that he has a job, & is getting an education to get a better job to provide for his family. I would really thank Robert for being there for me through thick, thin, ups, & downs, I really don't know where I would be without my loving husband. I also want to thank my in-laws for raising their son right. When I was 21 weeks along I needed to get a cerclage, it's a stitch to help keep me closed. I had the surgery done on January 25, & since than I have been on moderate bed rest. I can't work anymore, I went from working at Precision Assembly, than on Friday nights at Hale Centre Theatre, than on Saturday nights I was serving at Mount Timpanogos Temple. So, I went from working about 50 hours of working/serving to sitting on the couch watching TV, making a sweet baby blanket for my little guy. The week I got the stitch was a week before the time I had Collin. To tell you the truth I was scared/nervous, I don't know if it was the surgery or the fact I was close to when I had Collin or maybe it was both. So, the night before the surgery again my husband Robert gave me a blessing to help keep me calm. It was a great blessing, it basically said the same thing as the first blessing he gave me. Some of the things that he said was basically that I would carry & deliver a healthy full term son. Well, this whole being pregnant has brought so many emotions, I honestly don't know where to start. Everyone keeps asking if this is our first & honestly it hard to answer that question, so I say in a way yes, & than I explain the whole thing, which doesn't bother me because I love talking about the whole thing/ talking about Collin. Question for everyone out there, How would you answer this? Ok, I am going to go onto the next page & tell the story about Porter now.

Awesome headstone

It took a year to get his headstone but Robert & I think it was worth the wait for a perfect one. :-)

1st Birthday

Our Sweet Angel is 1 yr old

September 25th, 2012 a year ago today I had a perfect angel. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET ANGEL BOY Collin J VanBibber! Can you believe that our sweet angel is 1 yr old? CJ may not be here physically but we all know that he is here in our minds, in spirt and most of all, he is in our hearts, never to be forgotten. Robert and I may miss Collin deeply and have that empty place in our hearts, but if we keep our faith/trust in our Savior, with all the loving support and prayers we get from all of you we will see him and be with him again. Within the the past year we have been on a wild roller coaster, with its ups and downs. It has been one big trust in the Lord with this trial, but a really good experience. I don't know how to explain it well but the Lord knew we need our faith/trust tested for some reason. I am not sure what that is but I know God knew Robert and I could handle losing our son. Maybe it was to test those around us, and for us to be their examples. I don't know how we have done it so well. I do know that we have wonderful neighbors, friens, and family who have been there for us in every step of the way. I don't think Robert and I would have done so well and I don't know where we would be without all of you and our Savior. For the most part we are doing well, someways we aren't so well. You may know how it is when you lose someone you deeply love. Somedays I wish that time would speed up so I could be with Collin again. I know that we will be with him and will able to raise him again but sometimes, it seems like time just freezes and doesn't move. I know where CJ is that he is where he needs to be and is doing missionary work, I know he is helping prepare his brothers and sisters to come down to this weird, strange world. We had a wonderful birthday dinner with family & friends, than went to the cemetery to see CJ's headstone & there we let off some balloons & a sky lantern. It was a very amazing night, it was perfect, no wind, no rain. We let the lantern off & there was no wind so it was perfect, the lantern went up & up than came back down. Than when we let the balloons off they all went up in a circle than formed a spiral & the balloons were spinning, it was awesome to see. We would like to thank everyone that came & spent the lovely sweet night with us. My parents, my sisters, my brothers, nieces, & nephews, oh & our wonderful friends. That next Sunday we had a little party with Roberts family, so thank you Robert's parents, brothers, Mindy, & Savannah. We also like to thank everyone for their love, kindness, caring, & support that you still give us. We love & miss you everyday Collin. We are still very proud of you. WE LOVE & MISS YOU ALWAYS & FOREVER!!!

Memorial Day

Here are some pictures of Collin's grave from Memorial Day. Thanks to all those that visited and to those that left gifts. We took these pictures on Memorial Day morning and later others left flowers. Thank you for taking time to think of Collin.

We spent the morning and part of the afternoon with our son while getting nicely sunburned in the process. We heard bag pipers playing throughout the day, which was nice.

We are still waiting for the headstone to be designed but here is a sneak preview of what will be on it. Through a friend and family we got this design.

Nov. 7-8

     November 7th, 43 days old. Collin is doing well today although he is still dropping in heart rate a little. An echo was done on his heart and the pediatric cardiologist said Collin's heart looks fine. As a result, both heart medications were turned off, which is good news. He is also down to 2 antibiotics and sitting about 30% oxygen. The morphine drip has been off for 24 hours now and he only receives it when he needs it. The things we are working on right now are keeping the heart rate steady, tolerate feeds, poop and keep losing the edema. With the edema his weight jumps around the low 3 lb. area.
Collin's doctors and nurses are so nice. They keep us well informed and we really enjoy their company. They are good to us and especially to Collin. Today I am grateful for the Relief Society sisters in my ward. They are so good to me and my little family. They keep us well fed as well. I am grateful for my visiting teaching ladies and for the ladies I teach too. Mommy and Daddy love you so much sweat heart! We are so proud of you. Keep up the good work and keep on fighting. Like Uncle Grant has said before, "No offense to to the comic book Superman but he doesn't have superhuman strength like my nephew!!!" Keep fighting buddy, we love you so much!!!" Thanks Uncle Grant.

     November 8th, 44 days old. Collin is having another good day. They upped his feedings to 1 mL every 6 hours and so far, so good. He pooped a little this morning. The doctor is still worried about the fluid in his brain and his ventricles still being enlarged. He is still off his heart medications and his heart looks good. We think the heart rate dropping issue comes from needing suctioning from his lungs and pressure in the brain. But other than that we are having a good day. No matter what we will always love you Collin J always and forever. We are very grateful to have you here with us.
Today I am grateful for my family. They have always been there for me through good and tough times. They have always been very supportive to Robert and I and now Collin. We are a very close family and we always know what's going on with each other. I love my family very much. Thank you everyone for all the love, prayers, support and blessings.